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I tell myself that if you're not afraid, the change isn't great enough.
I remember the first time I went to camp I cried and cried and cried. I was so afraid of leaving my home for even a weekend and missed my family so much. It was the summer before 4th grade. The first day or two was hard; during meal time I would stare up at the ceiling so my tears wouldn't spill from my eyes. But then something happened. I started having fun! Swimming every day, learning new songs to sing, hanging out with my new friends. My letters home stopped complaining of how homesick I was, the demands for my parents to come and get me RIGHT NOW dwindled. I didn't know it then, but I had learned perhaps one of the greatest lessons of my life: that facing fear is the path to a full life. If I had listened to my fear of leaving home, I never would have gone on a Snipe hunt, or slept in a cabin with other girls (a slumber party every night!) or learned cool songs I still sing today. (Boom Boom Ain't it Great to be Crazy.)
I never wanted to leave my mom, and when I went to college, more than 1,000 miles from my home, I cried again and felt like my heart would burst. But once I settled into my dorm room, the adventure began! I saw my first mountains, met wonderful new friends, went to a Grateful Dead concert that first weekend and studied astronomy and art history. I loved my new independence.
I have moved a number of times to cities where initially I knew no one, and every time I wondered 'What have I done?!" Always, I sat in the corner of my new apartment and cried. And everytime, this sadness has been followed by excitement and fulfillment. Whether it has been a move to a new place, risking failure in a work project, standing up in front of a crowd with the certain knowledge that I would for sure throw up, or falling in love, I now know that fear is my friend and an indication that what is behind that wall of resistance will be the best thing that has ever happened to me.
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